Sure to be a Christmas classic....

First things first.  My Gran, who was my mother's mother, hated the word hate.  Wait, scratch that, she would have never used the word hate. My Gran disliked the word hate. Her explanation was simply this, hate is a very strong word.

So wait, I don't dislike Christmas, I hate Christmas. And if you grew up with my other grandmother, you would know that the feeling you got about Christmas from her warrants a very strong word.

This story is about my MawMaw, my father's mother.  I know my MawMaw grew up poor & with little education. She always seemed pissed about this fact.  She probably still is.  Did I mention this miserable person is still alive? The only 1 of my 4 grandparents who still is.  I'm convinced she sold her soul to the devil long ago.  Evil never dies.

If you know me, you well know I would NEVER speak this way of someone.  Unless it was all true!

Everyone now needs to get in their way back machine.  Go back to, I don't know, the 1st Christmas that I'm old enough to have a conscience memory, and that will do. Every year & I mean every year, my MawMaw told us what selfish children we were.  All kids, at some point, during Christmas probably get a little selfish.  It's all the hype, it's all the sugar, it's the hype & the sugar.  But guess what? Those selfish children, they don't be us!

Oh no! She's starting to take over my thoughts already with her bad education too! Stop the insanity!

Seriously though not 1 of us, not me, my sis, my 2 cousins or even my half-brother, are selfish. We all grew up in median households.  4 out of 5 of us went to Catholic school.  Still no selfish children here.

The part of the story that might make Jesus himself hate Christmas is the tale of the brick baby doll.

What did you say?   You mean Cabbage Patch Doll?  No! I said the BRICK BABY DOLL! (I said this in all caps so that you would know I was shouting it.)

My MawMaw always claimed that they were so poor that they couldn't afford for her to have a baby doll so all she had to use to make a doll with was a brick. Really woman?  I find this hard to believe.  Not the poor part, I know that's true she had 9 siblings. Why a brick for a doll? To make it even more pathetic, she said how she had to take a small scrap of cloth to make a blanket for her doll.

It's a brick, not a doll! Ok Mo, deep breaths, deep breaths. This memory makes me start to foam at the mouth.

I think next she used to say that they only had 1 candy cane for 10 kids & her father used to take a hammer & break it up & it was every man for himself. Really, you could afford tools? I'm shocked he didn't further traumatize you & grab your baby, AKA the brick, to crush the candy cane with!

Deep breaths, deep breaths....

Still don't believe me? I have a sis, 2 cousins & a half-brother who are all as scarred by my MawMaw's tale of woe.  Even my other half was exposed to this bat shit crazy mess enough that he could testify under oath to its validity.

Now do you know why I hate Christmas?

Guess who I don't spend Christmas with anymore?

Oh wait, never mind, I just DISLIKE Christmas!

My birthday wish for you...

The final countdown has begun.  It is less than 10 days away.  In fact it is only 6 days until I turn the F word.

Get your minds out the gutter people!  I am talking about the other F word.

F-O-R-T-Y!

For the record, it will officially be the 1st anniversary of my 39th birthday.  Well it is!  And if you think otherwise I'm gonna beat you up!  Not really because you can all outrun me anyways!

I have been thinking about some birthdays past & the different things I've done to celebrate.  When I was 20 I had a spacewalk party.  My now 27 year old cousins, who were then 7, just reminded me of this.  They thought that I was the coolest cousin ever.  Probably because I am!  Right Shane & Sean?

For my 21st we acted very adult & wore Burger King crowns & went to the Star Casino to go gambling.  Back when gambling was a brand new thing.  When I turned 24, I was having a nice brunch with my then fiance' & my friend Jen when the GD Brightfield crashed into the Riverwalk.  Jeff got called into work.  I didn't see hin for 2 days after that.  Jen & I kept the party going into the night that day.

Back to the title of this post.  I am making my birthday wish for all of you.  My faithful readers.  My wish for you is that you are never afraid to do or to try something new.  Upon reflection of my birthdays past, I now realize that there are so many things I wish I could do.  And now I can't do.

I certainly can't relive the spacewalk party.

I always wished to go to Rockefeller Center & ice skate.  That's out.  I used to love to ice skate.  Do you remember when there were ice skating rinks in Elmwood, Chateau & the Plaza?  I do.  I skated them all.  I even skated the Houston Galleria.  I skated when they had the rink in City Park.           No more.

I wish I had gone on a zip line.  I had the chance but was too afraid.  I wish I had climbed the waterfall in Jamaica.  I wish I took helicopter rides when I was in Hawaii or Canada.  I wish I had swam with the dolphins.  Damn Jaws ruined that one!  There are so many wishes I've had to let go.  They say the only regret you should have in life is to have no regrets.  I never know exactly who "they" are but dammit if "they" weren't right.

That is why I'm making my birthday wish for you.  My wish will be for you to not have fear, to try things and to do things today because you don't know if there is a tomorrow.

Please honor my wish so that I can live vicariously through you.  That will make my birthday wish come true.