Except you don't have birthdays when you're dead...

April 21st would have been my Gran's 97th birthday.  Except, according to my mother, you don't have birthdays once you die.  I guess this is true.  The age you died at is the last age you will ever be.  You don't have another birthday because you aren't here to have another one.

I guess it is like you are frozen in time.  Or even forever young depending on what age you died.

My Gran was 86 when she died so we'll just say she was frozen in time.  Although because she had Alzheimer's if you caught her on a bad day and asked her how old she was she probably would have told you she was 39.  Maybe it was a good day for her after all.

I remember once when I was a little girl telling my Gran that I wished she would live forever.  She quickly and firmly told me that she didn't wish the same thing.  I didn't understand this at the time.  Once she got Alzheimer's I was sorry I had wished eternal life on her.

It's hard to remember my Gran sometimes when she could still remember things.

And then I stumble upon things like a note she wrote to me my 1st semester at LSU.  I know she missed me when I went to LSU.  My Pepaw had just died in April and then away I went in August.  I was with my Gran a lot that year.  My Pepaw had gone into the hospital in January and then he died in April.  My Gran didn't drive so I got my Pepaw's car with the disclaimer that I had to drive my Gran wherever she needed to go.  At 17 I wasn't exactly thrilled with this idea.  Now I wish I had that time back.

I found a note my Gran sent to me at LSU.  I could cry every time I see it.  It is written on her church notecard.  She LOVED her church.  Here is some of what she said to me:

"Dear Monique,
                        I think about you and say a little prayer for you every day.  Don't forget to find a time to pray.  You were so good to me taking me to church on Sunday.  I hope you will enjoy the football game this weekend.  Study hard and have fun and give my best to Jeff.  I look forward to seeing you the next weekend you are home.
All my love, Gran"


All this was written in my Gran's beautiful handwriting.  I can almost smell her perfume.

I think I have to find a time to pray for her now.  Happy Birthday Gran.  I don't care what your daughter says, it's still your day.